In aere aedificare

Heath Ledger, as most of you have heard from other friends by now, is dead at 28. He was the last member of Hollywood I would have expected to die. He has a young child at home. The Dark Knight is coming out soon. I was looking forward to the movie and my heart fluttered upon hearing his devious tone. Unfortunately, this movie feels like a punch in the gut, because it's been reported as the reason for the insomnia and sleeping pills in the first place. I have a feeling I'd break down into tears each time the Joker appeared on screen.

I'm hoping the death will be ruled accidental, because I cannot see him as a person to commit suicide at all. This has been a fine week for young celebrity deaths.

R.I.P., Heath and Brad.

P.S. I loved you in A Knight's Tale and I've always wanted to see more of your serious roles. You will be missed, by your family and friends, and your fans. ♥

If there is one thing I regret looking back on the times I've spent in fandom, it would have to be the post in which I confessed my age. I would have still confessed, but I wish I had been more articulate and reasonable in doing so. It might be optimistic of me to think this, but I feel like I might have kept some valuable friendships if I had handled the post differently. I did feel betrayed. I still think I had a right to feel betrayed, because I trusted the ones I revealed my age to back then. However, I should have expressed the betrayal in a different manner, or perhaps even in a separate post. I realized after I posted it that it could be taken in the wrong context. That is perhaps the one post that I left in its rawest form, but I should have edited it as though it were the most important thing I would ever write.

I cannot believe how quickly time flies. It's been over two years since I made that post in May of 2005, yet my stomach still burns when I dare to look at it. I was fourteen years old; I'll be seventeen on the second of November.

Right now, I would like to apologize to all of the fandom members I lied to back then. I know you felt betrayed like I did.

I would also like to thank all of the friends who stuck with me even after I confessed. Words cannot express how much your loyalty has meant to me through the years.